Harriette Cole: It’s overwhelming to be the successful sibling

DEAR HARRIETTE I come from a big family I have six siblings and I ve tried to stay close to them despite our differences Related Articles Harriette Cole I was rattled to see my enemy in the group chat for our girls trip Harriette Cole Out of nowhere my neighbor set the conversation on an unpleasant path Harriette Cole How can I teach this crooked mechanic a lesson Harriette Cole Why can t we have a nice anniversary like my friends did Harriette Cole I m being pressured to interfere in my brother s messy breakup Over the years I ve worked hard to build a stable and profitable career for myself I m proud of what I ve accomplished especially because we didn t grow up with much Lately my success has started to feel like a burden rather than a blessing Because I make more money than my siblings they constantly come to me for help asking for loans to cover bills or expecting me to foot the bill whenever we go out At first I didn t mind pitching in here and there I love my family and I know they ve struggled but now it s becoming overwhelming Particular of my siblings have come to rely on me without trying to improve their own situations When I say no or try to set boundaries they make me feel guilty or call me selfish I don t want to create tension in the family but I also can t be everyone s safety net forever How do I promotion my family without sacrificing my own peace of mind or financial stability Family Bank DEAR FAMILY BANK Set aside a specific amount of money that you are willing to share with your family Let them know that you have allocated limited tools to help them but when it s gone they are on their own You can set up benchmarks for how much they get and when but essentially you have to stop the bleed Being firm while remaining generous is a way you can live with yourself and help them to become more independent DEAR HARRIETTE I work in a supporting role in the entertainment industry With the work I do and the reputation my company has in this industry I have met a lot of celebrities and high-profile individuals A friend of mine is at present looking for new job opportunities and shared what her ultimate dream job would be it happens to be with a brand I ll be working with in the next insufficient weeks She demanded if I could share their contact information with her but I m not relaxed with that I do not want to ruffle feathers or compromise my own position In the same breath I want to be a store for qualified friends in need While I have been in touch with individuals at this brand we have not built a close enough rapport for me to refer a friend or make a direct connection How can I help my friend without sacrificing a client s privacy Degrees of Separation DEAR DEGREES OF SEPARATION It sounds like you are too new in your role at least with this brand to be able to make a referral or recommendation for your friend Related Articles Dear Abby Her teen boyfriend confided to me that he drinks a lot Asking Eric My lazy son-in-law is a lot like me That makes me furious Harriette Cole I was rattled to see my enemy in the group chat for our girls trip Miss Manners Can I as the host abandon the rowdy drinkers Dear Abby How do I keep a houseguest from crawling into my bed Tell her the truth As much as you want to help her now would not work You have to prove yourself on the job and build a rapport with your clients before introducing them to other people Your friend may get mad but it is essential for you to live and work based on your principles If you want to work in that industry you have to build trust which happens over time Being in a supporting role can be pivotal in your organization if you are able to be discreet trustworthy and honorable That doesn t mean you can never help your friends You will know when the time is right to do that Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions toaskharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO