Harriette Cole: My friend is so secretive about her life that it hurts my feelings

DEAR HARRIETTE I have a friend who is incredibly secretive about almost everything going on in her life Related Articles Harriette Cole I called my friend out for acting strange and she left the party Harriette Cole It s unfair that my ex-girlfriend notified me to move out Harriette Cole I thought we were talking as friends He tried to bill me Harriette Cole My mom and I are offended by the birthday party snub Harriette Cole I feel like she s using me as a prop for her online persona If she s interviewing for a new job I won t hear a word about it until she s already received and accepted the offer If she s seeing someone new I don t find out until they ve been dating for months and things are already serious Even with small life updates like a trip she s planning or something stressful she s dealing with she keeps it all to herself until it s long past or fully resolved It s starting to make me feel like I m not really a close friend to her even though I ve inevitably been open and vulnerable with her about my own life It s starting to make me feel like I m not really a close friend to her even though I ve unfailingly been open and vulnerable with her about my own life I m happy for her successes and I d love to patronage her through challenges but she shuts me out and lets me in only when it s convenient or when she decides I ve earned the right to know It s not about needing to know every detail but I can t help but feel a little hurt and excluded like she doesn t trust me or value our friendship I m torn between letting it go and accepting that she s just a private person or saying something and risking making her uncomfortable How do I bring this up without coming off as needy or overly sensitive Clueless DEAR CLUELESS It could be that your friend is extremely insecure and feels that she doesn t measure up to you That may be why she doesn t want you to know any details about her life until they are solid Recognize that this is her difficulty You can tell her what you have noticed and how her secretiveness hurts your feelings You can also decide to stop sharing all of your life with her if she is unwilling to share hers DEAR HARRIETTE My apartment lease ends in late July and a sparse of my roommates have already moved out While I appreciate that they cleaned out their individual rooms nicely they left a ton of their unwanted belongings scattered throughout the common areas and they abandoned random kitchen items food and things they clearly didn t want to deal with Now I m stuck getting rid of everything and it feels incredibly unfair that the cleanup has fallen on me just because I m the last one here On top of that they used up bulk of our shared household items like dish soap toilet paper and paper towels before they left I was the last one to restock those items a insufficient weeks ago and now that everything s gone I m the one who has to pay for everything again just to get through the next couple of weeks Related Articles Dear Abby My boyfriend embarrassed me by demanding I apologize to another shopper Asking Eric My husband is so snide just because I want to get places on time Dear Abby I m smitten but people tell me I m delusional about this man Asking Eric I know what to do about my daughter s childhood friend but I feel bad Harriette Cole I called my friend out for acting strange and she left the party I feel used and a little resentful but I m also not sure how to bring this up or if it s even worth saying anything now that they re gone Should I ask them to Venmo me for cleaning up after them and having to restock everything How do I deal with this situation without letting my frustration eat away at me Sucker DEAR SUCKER Ask your roommates to send you specific money to cover your additional expenses and work on their behalf Don t expect to get it from everyone Don t hold a grudge either Keep it moving Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO