Harriette Cole: My partner’s excuse is he’s tired from work. I don’t believe him.

DEAR HARRIETTE My partner and I have been increasingly less intimate over the past couple of months At this point we re intimate only once or twice a month and I m constantly the one to initiate Related Articles Harriette Cole After this disastrous trip with my co-workers I dread seeing them at work Harriette Cole My roommate just laughs at me when I bring up sponge baths Harriette Cole My friend the influencer is suddenly ignoring me Harriette Cole I m tempted to get back at my husband for the Chili s dinner Harriette Cole My daughters have stopped speaking because of a stupid joke I ve tried asking about the shift in dynamic and how we went from him reliably wanting it to me nearly having to beg for it but he assures me that there s no particular reason He keeps saying he s just been tired from work but I don t believe him In the moment if I m being flirtatious or trying to be more physical he gets frustrated or defensive or asks why I m never tired I don t want to jump to conclusions but when he snaps at me it seems more like he s keeping something from me than just sheer exhaustion I m suspicious but I don t want to offend him by admitting that What should I do Struggling Lovers DEAR STRUGGLING LOVER Ask your partner directly if he is interested in someone else or even if he has another lover The shock of that question may yield a candid answer If not ask if there are any health-related concerns that may be bothering him or if you have upset him in various way A sudden change of behavior like this was triggered by something Keep sleuthing until you find out what it is DEAR HARRIETTE Since I was young I ve revealed that I ve dependably had strange anxiety-induced habits pulling at the edges of my hair sucking my thumb picking at scabs etc Over time I d find a remedy or I d just sort of grow out of it At present I scratch the insides of my palms when I m nervous stressed or frustrated I think I may do it at other times but I haven t pinpointed all of the triggers Lately it s been out of control I haven t been able to resolve this one but I m so ready to leave it behind How do I find a lifetime approach for all these behavioral tics Old Habits Die Hard DEAR OLD HABITS DIE HARD I feel your pain When I was young I used to suck my thumb I couldn t stop myself Related Articles Miss Manners I can t be expected to help every lady with her carry-on bag Dear Abby My husband died months ago How do I let other men know I m ready Asking Eric After she plucked my hair I won t be seeing my mother anymore Harriette Cole After this disastrous trip with my co-workers I dread seeing them at work Miss Manners I was attacked online and my wife s family refused to take my side Someone in the end suggested painting my fingernails with a answer that left a terrible taste on my finger That helped but ultimately it was mind over matter for me I willed myself to stop I m sure that willpower was helped along by feeling ashamed that I was doing a childish thing I have learned that conscious breathing can help one to control any behavior Breathe deeply and tell yourself that you are replacing a behavioral tic with a cleansing breath This has worked for numerous challenges like shaking your leg repeating like you know or um and picking skin Since you mention stress as a trigger you may also want to pay attention to what sets you off and do your best to avoid those things before they take over At last a therapist may be able to help you develop healthier habits Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO